


out of time

by nanasalt



Category: Anastasia - Flaherty/Ahrens/McNally
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/M, Or Is It?, bit of a character study, kiss goodbye, kiss prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 18:41:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29458401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanasalt/pseuds/nanasalt
Summary: “I - am leaving Leningrad.” Anya puts a hand over Gleb’s mouth before he can argue, and though his lips move against her palm for a moment, she can almost ignore the pain in his eyes. “There’s nothing to do about it, Gleb. Please.” He always wants to fix things, her officer, and if he begs her not to go, she might just listen. She can feel tears welling behind her eyes, and she knows he is trying to figure her out all over again. He won’t succeed. “Please. Don’t try.”Anya says goodbye.
Relationships: Anya | Anastasia Romanov/Gleb Vaganov
Kudos: 18





	out of time

**Author's Note:**

> Pure Anon asked: 38 for Glenya. Make me cry, please.
> 
> _38: because they’re running out of time._
> 
> You asked for it. Originally posted to Tumblr.

“I - am leaving Leningrad.” Anya puts a hand over Gleb’s mouth before he can argue, and though his lips move against her palm for a moment, she can almost ignore the pain in his eyes. “There’s nothing to do about it, Gleb. Please.” He always wants to fix things, her officer, and if he begs her not to go, she might just listen. She can feel tears welling behind her eyes, and she knows he is trying to figure her out all over again. He won’t succeed. “ _Please_. Don’t try.”

He is frozen under her touch, and then he nods and she feels him begin to build defenses against her. It leaves an ache in her bones that she cannot ignore, though she tries. She pulls her hand back and tries to defend her heart in turn. It's easier once she can no longer feel the softness of his skin against hers, once she grips her own skirt to keep herself from reaching out again. She almost succeeds, until his gaze softens on hers and he reaches out - he cannot help but touch her, even now - to gently wipe away the tears that she is horrified to find gathering at the corner of her eyes.

“There are kinder ways to tell a man he’s not wanted, Anya,” he chides gently, almost joking, and she stares at him in disbelief. She cannot find the words for how ridiculous this is. How ridiculous _he_ is. Gleb frowns slightly and yet - it seems he will not pull away from her until she forces him to, his hands lingering at her jaw, still warm against her cheekbones. “If you want to be left alone - if I’ve offended you - you know you can tell me.”

“I don’t,” she manages finally, “want to be left alone. I want - _I want_ -”

Anya is not used to being able to have her own wants. Even without their memory, she can feel her need for her family overriding everything else; she wants her family, and she wants the home she lost. Anya wants the comfort of it all, but she wants this too, more than she can say. She cannot have both.

“I _want_ you,” she says quietly. “But I - I have to leave.”

“I don’t understand,” he murmurs, and strokes his thumb across her cheekbone, the scar at her temple, the corner of her mouth. He is memorizing her, she realizes, and Anya presses her eyes closed and feels Gleb wipe away the tears that are escaping her lashes. She isn’t supposed to cry at this, she thinks. It is supposed to be his lot to cry and her lot to be stony and distant, because she is the one breaking his heart. “Anya -- _please,_ I want to understand.”

She can feel her own heart breaking, and it was not supposed to be like this. There’s a near-frantic edge to his voice and it undoes her resolve entirely. Her eyes open, and she has never, in the past few months, seen Gleb Vaganov so confused, so utterly devastated.

“I can’t,” she chokes out, and - she promised she wouldn’t, she promised a clean break - reaches out to wrap her arms around him. He shifts instinctively to embrace her in return, although his hands clutch at her coat harder than she clings to him. The moment stretches, turns elastic, and she cannot rightly say how long she has clung to his coat before he passes a hand over her back, or how long they stay like that before he coaxes her up to look at him.

He seems to have regained some composure, although his hold is as tenuous as hers. ****Anya feels fragile as porcelain when she leans up to kiss him, and he is more distant than he has ever been before. It is like kissing a statue, and she draws back and pulls her customary distance around herself, comforting and cold. She opens her eyes first, and she can see him force his breath to steady force his hands to unclench, force himself to smile naturally and open his eyes to watch her. It’s a very good act; if they somehow switched places, Anya has little doubt he could convince the Dowager Empress he was her lost grandchild.

“Goodbye, Gleb,” she whispers, and he gives her a smile that is equal parts devastating and polite.

“Goodbye, Anya.” He holds out a hand, and she takes it, businesslike and distant. This is what they will be, now, and his smile seems less painful when he adds, “Maybe we will see each other again.”

It feels like she is leaving more than just Russia when she stands at the train station that night. The train will leave at midnight and close the door on this chapter of her life, but for now, she has nothing to do but wait and wonder how she will put her heart back together when she has left so many jagged chunks strewn across her homeland. She cannot think of what - of who - she is leaving, or she will not leave. She has run out of time for Russia, and for her people.

Anya twists the passport in her hands and thinks of Paris.

**Author's Note:**

> As ever, follow my writing, edits, and other content at [vampyrekatwrites](http://vampyrekatwrites.tumblr.com/). Follow [nanasalt](http://nanasalt.tumblr.com/) for my _Anastasia_ -specific things. Feel free to PM me or send asks! I can't always reply to every comment here, but the interaction is what keeps me writing.


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